


Hopeless BFFs

by JanetteK



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age Inquisition - Fandom, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 21:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18351641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanetteK/pseuds/JanetteK
Summary: Cullen and Dorian have their lovers' name days coming up. What are they to do? What will they get them? Dorian and Cullen go on a shopping trip!A light hearted fluff one-off from the BFFs of Dragon Age.Edited by: IncreasingLight! And DefinitelyNotPie





	Hopeless BFFs

Commander Cullen Rutherford paced his dimly lit office. The Inquisitor's name day was approaching and he had no idea what to get her.

  
The door to his office swung open and he frowned at the intruder, "I'm not playing chess today, Dorian."

  
Dorian stepped back, aghast. Covering his heart with his hand, he sniffed, "I'm wounded that you think I only come here to play chess with you."

  
"What are you here for then?" Cullen scoffed, not believing the dark-haired mage.

  
"What if I said I was just here to see how you were doing?" Dorian raised an eyebrow.

  
Cullen laughed, "I think I'd have to take you to a healer as you usually pry about my well being with the Inquisitor."

  
“She shouldn't have told you that."

  
“There's a great many things she shouldn't tell me, and yet she does."

  
"I don't want to know," Dorian groaned.

  
"She cares deeply for her friends," Cullen leaned against the edge of his desk.

  
"Ah, but she loves you," Dorian waggled his eyebrows a little, "I do believe she has a name day coming up, any thought of what to give her?"

  
"No." It was Cullen’s turn to scowl as he ran a hand through his blond hair, "Every time I ask her what she wants, she says she's happy with my love."

  
Dorian chuckled, "The Trevelyan altruism strikes again."

  
"This is common among her family?" Cullen hoped that was it.

  
"Well… somewhat," Dorian paused, and pursed his lips as he thought. Grinning widely he continued, "They do tend to give things and money to those that are less well off than they are, but, our dear Inquisitor has taken this to a whole new level. She has told me, quite frequently, that she doesn't deserve any gifts or kind gestures until everyone is safe from Corypheus."

"That's just–"

  
"Absurd. I know," Dorian grinned at him.

  
"I was going to say incredibly kind but foolish," Cullen griped.

  
Dorian shrugged, completely unrepentant, "I do wish I could aid you in your dilemma, but Varric and I have both asked what she would like as a gift, and she is steadfast in not telling us what she wants."

  
Cullen rubbed the back of his neck in consternation, "Of course she would."

  
"Oh, like you don't love her foolhardy stubbornness," Dorian scoffed. At Cullen's pleased smile, he made a disgusted noise at the back of his throat, "It has come to my attention that our amatuses share a name day."

  
"Bull shares a birthday with the Inquisitor? I wonder why she never mentioned it," Cullen frowned, did he miss something his lady love said? No, he would remember something like her sharing a name day with The Iron Bull.

  
“Because she doesn't know," Dorian lowered his voice conspiratorially, "Bull has the rather annoying habit of talking in his sleep. When I was woken by this, I wrote the date down and asked Krem. He confirmed it."

  
"And I need to know this because…?" Cullen trailed off, crossing his arms.

  
“You and Bull are of a like mind. And I want to get him something for his name day." Dorian stared intensely at Cullen.

  
"You want advice on a weapon?" Cullen was confused.

  
"Or armor, even though I would hate to see his chest covered by such," Dorian sighed dramatically.

  
Cullen shook his head. He considered Dorian one of his closest friends, but he was grandiose in a lot of things. The exact opposite of Cullen, "I'm no expert on Qunari armors. But I can give you a few ideas for weaponry."

  
"Excellent!" Dorian sparkled. Literally.

  
"You don't need to use your magic to show that you're happy I didn't say no," Cullen rolled his eyes.

  
"I can't help it that I have a sparkling personality," Dorian smiled wickedly, "I will see if I can glean any information out of our fearless and stubborn leader when we leave."

  
Cullen shook his head again, but didn't refuse the help, "Thank you, Dorian."

  
"Anytime," Dorian winked at him and left.

***********

Dorian grinned as he walked to the commander's office. Everything was set. The Inquisitor and Bull were out on a mission and wouldn't be back for a sennight. Knocking loudly on the door, Dorian entered without waiting for a response and beamed, "Commander, I have solved our dilemma."

  
Cullen looked up from the reports he was reading, "I have a thousand things to do."

  
"Do those thousand things take precedence over finding the Inquisitor a name day gift?" Dorian raised an imperious eyebrow.

Cullen slowly put his reports down, "What did you have in mind?"

Dorian twirled his staff with excitement, "A shopping trip!"

Cullen stood, narrowing his gaze on Dorian, "The Inquisitor has told me repeatedly that she has a strong dislike for shopping and I am of a similar mind."

Dorian rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe he needed to spell this out, "Not for you to take her. We will go to Val Royeaux, buy presents for our loved ones name days and be back before they know we were gone."

"I can't just up and leave the Inquisition," Cullen grumbled.

  
"It's only for two days, three at most. Surely, your second can handle matters for that long?"  
"Why Val Royeaux?" Cullen crossed his arms.

  
"Because it's the closest to Skyhold and Vivienne has given me a list of the best shops," Dorian walked closer to Cullen and wheedled, "While we're there, we can get a new chess set."

  
"There's nothing wrong with the one we already have." Cullen stated.

  
"It has blood stains on it," Dorian complained.

  
"I've told you before that I got bored one night and tried to paint them," Cullen paced over to where the chess board was set up and showed a piece to Dorian, "Blood doesn't stain like that."

  
"Keep your blood stained chess set," Dorian sniffed as though he smelled something rank, "I'll be buying a new one and we can play with that."

  
"My chess set is perfectly serviceable as it is," Cullen argued.

  
Dorian sigh-growled in extreme frustration. The point of this conversation must've flown through the hole in the Commander's roof, "Our Amatuses share the same name day. We would be poor lovers if we didn't gift them with something." He paused and wickedly smirked, "But then, maybe the Inquisitor only wants her Commander tied in a bow?"

  
"Dorian," Cullen growled.

  
Dorian laughed, "It's agreed? We'll go shopping?"

  
"Fine," Cullen grumbled.

  
"We leave at first light, Commander. I want to be back before the Inquisitor and Bull return." Dorian took his leave, pausing to chuckle outside Cullen's door after it closed. Success.

******************

Cullen glanced around him, assessing the weaknesses, strengths, and where possible attacks could come from. This was Val Royeaux? Far too many places for an attacker to hide and that left the city wanting in Cullen's estimation. He briefly wondered if he would have time to see about getting the Inquisition new trebuchets.

  
As his amber gaze returned to his companion, he half smiled to see Dorian with his arms crossed and tapping his foot impatiently, "This city is far too indefensible."

  
"You are here to shop for the woman you love, and the best you can come up with is "this city is indefensible"?" Dorian sighed in irritation, "I had such high hopes."

  
"I'm uncertain of what you were expecting, but on the way, there were at least twenty-seven spots that could well use a guard," Cullen was a bit confounded. He never hid who he was or what his interests were.

  
"Varric was right, you never stop working," Dorian muttered and then brightened, "Who do we shop for first?"  
"Dorian, I fail to see the need-"

  
Dorian arched an eyebrow at him, "There is every need. You love the Inquisitor. I love Bull. And for the love of the Maker, you need to stop working for five minutes."

  
"I’m not that bad," Cullen grumbled.

  
"The only one that can pull you away from work is the Inquisitor, and even then she has struggled to gain your attention," Dorian marched over to him.

  
"That was one time," Cullen muttered. Instead of listening to Dorian list what was perceived by him and Varric to be a failing, he changed the subject, "As I was saying before you interrupted me. I fail to see why we need to shop together."

  
"Besides shopping being a delight, we aren't supposed to be surprised by what they get from us," Dorian looked like he couldn't believe he had to explain this, "Come. We'll do Bull first, since I'm sure you'll pick something fully functional."

  
"I do know how to buy gifts," Cullen thought back to how Mia had always appreciated his gifts, and the Inquisitor loved the coin he gave her.

  
"Prove it," Dorian dared and walked to the nearest weaponry shop.

  
Cullen wondered what strategy he could employ at besting Dorian on this. He knew he was out of his league with shopping, but if Dorian was going to make this a challenge he'd gladly accept.

********************

Dorian stared with disgust at the hulking thing Cullen was showing him. It looked to be rust covered, or maybe blood spatter turned to rust? Can blood spatter do that? It also looked like something rather large chewed on it… a lot. "You want my amatus to get something that's been used?"

  
"It's an antique. Of course it's been used," Cullen hefted the weight of it, "It still has a great balance. A bit heavy for me, but for someone of Bull's size, it's perfect."

  
Dorian reached out to touch it, wondering why the axe looked charred. He pulled back and looked at his fingers. There was soot on them, "Why is it charred?"

  
"It's a dragon fighter's axe," Cullen explained patiently, "And by the feel of it, it's been used extensively."

  
"Did the person or persons using this large instrument of death and destruction survive these encounters?" Dorian stepped quickly away from Cullen as he swung it again. His barrier spell at the ready as the axe head looked like it was going to fly off, "Maybe a little less enthusiasm, Commander."

  
"I can't tell who died or lived with merely holding it, Dorian. Why don't you enter the Fade and find out?" Cullen snarked.

  
"You-you snarked at me?! How? Who taught you this?" Dorian placed a hand over his heart in shock, "Between that axe head wanting to go flying and your snark, I'm not sure I'm going to survive to get the Inquisitor's present."

  
Cullen chuckled, "I know this isn't your interest. But Bull would love it."

  
"It's not going to wake up suddenly and bite me, is it?" Dorian narrowed his gaze in suspicion at the dragon slayer axe. At least he hoped it was a dragon slayer axe. He really didn't want to give Bull something that was cursed by having all of its owners die.

  
"No, it's not," Cullen laughed.

  
Dorian sighed in disgust, "Fine. I'll buy it. You're carrying it though."

  
"That goes without saying," Cullen raised an eyebrow at him.

  
"I could, I just don't want to," Dorian looked back at the ugly piece, and muttered, "I'd never get the stains out."

  
Dorian walked over to the merchant. He jabbed a thumb behind him, "I'd like to buy that."

  
"Ah, the Maetashear Axe. Rumor has it that it was used to kill a Fade high dragon." The merchant smiled, "That'll be one hundred gold."

  
"One hundred gold?! It's burnt beyond recognition! Chewed on! There's rust spots that may or may not be blood spatter!" Dorian's voice rose with each point he made. One hundred gold?!

  
"Bull's going to love it," Cullen gently reminded him.

  
Dorian growled, "Surely you can reduce the price?"

  
"Eighty gold." The merchant sniffed as though that was as low as he can go.

  
Dorian narrowed his eyes, "I know you from somewhere," He tapped his mustache as he thought, "Ah, yes! The Inquisitor and I saved you from demons on your way here, didn't we?"

  
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, but sixty gold." The merchant lowered his voice.

  
"Make it fifty and we have a deal," Dorian grinned.

  
"Deal," The merchant nodded.

  
Dorian handed over his gold. As he and Cullen walked out of store, Dorian asked, "How am I supposed to hide that?"

  
"You wanted me to pick out a gift Bull would love." Cullen reminded him.

  
"You're going to put the Inquisitor's gift in a box aren't you?" Dorian was aghast. Where was his sense of drama and surprise?

  
"I'm sure the Lady Ambassador could help us." Cullen remarked, hefting the massive weapon to his other shoulder.

**********************

Cullen rubbed his forehead in mild frustration. He had no idea why Dorian thought he would want to buy the Inquisitor clothes, but here they were. She was perfectly capable of picking out her own clothing, and none of what was here was acceptable for her.

  
Outfits with feathers adorned the walls. Swan tiaras and other such items. Gilded masks were everywhere. He was starting to get a headache from it all, "Dorian, why are we here?"

  
"Clothing is functional, Commander," Dorian pulled out a gaudy dress.

  
Cullen stared at his choice, "You know the Inquisitor has better taste than that frock."

  
Dorian looked at what he was holding and quickly put it back, "Maker, I thought I pulled out the little black number."

  
"I trust the Inquisitor to know what clothes she likes and dislikes." Cullen glanced at the door, trying to make his point.

  
"As she should, because I helped her," Dorian's grin sparkled. At least it wasn’t literal. This time.

  
"I don't think she would wear anything here," Cullen motioned with his hand that they should leave. Preferably before the seamstress stopped talking with another would be customer.

  
"Well, Commander you do have some taste after all," Dorian snarked.

  
"Are you testing me?"

  
"I would never," Dorian's smirk grew.

  
"Dorian," Cullen warned. He was surprised that Dorian had not fought him much on the gift for Bull. Now he knew why. Cullen thought, Sorry, friend, you're not going to win.

  
As Cullen walked into the next shop, he wondered if Dorian had taken leave of his senses, "Bedding? How does that tell the Inquisitor I cherish her?"

  
"Satin sheets are your friend," Dorian grinned wickedly.

  
"Josephine can have them delivered," Cullen grumped.

  
Dorian chuckled, "You should know me better by now, Commander."

  
"I thought I did, but–" Cullen looked around him. He didn't even want to entertain a guess as to what was hanging on the far wall.

  
"We're not here to purchase bedding," Dorian motioned for Cullen.

  
Cullen was led to a small corner of the store. He looked at the various objects and knew that Dorian had taken leave of his senses, "I am not buying anything here in front of you."

  
"Oh, come on. I can keep a secret," Dorian used a finger to pick up a pair of fur lined cuffs, "These look fun. The fur even matches your mantle!"

  
"Within five minutes of us returning to Skyhold you and Varric would be placing bets on who wore them first, who got the most use out of them and other things," Cullen accused.

  
"Who says I won't anyway?" Dorian quirked an eyebrow.

  
"No." Cullen stated with finality.

  
"Hold a minute. I want to purchase these."

  
Cullen followed his friend to the merchant and crossed his arms. The negotiations went much the same as the weapons merchant. He breathed a sigh of relief after leaving the bedding store. Glancing around him, he wondered what Dorian had in store for him next.

*******************

Dorian paused, considering his options. He was tempted to continue to fluster Cullen. It would make for some entertaining tales to tease the Inquisitor with, but glancing at the sun, he sighed. They were almost out of time.

  
As Dorian looked to his left he spotted a small jewelry shop. He grinned, "Perfect! Come, Commander I think we will find your gift in the next shop."

  
"If it's more satin sheets, I'm not interested," Cullen grumped.

  
"Shopping is supposed to be pleasurable. Especially when you're shopping for a loved one," Dorian quirked an eyebrow at him. Getting under the Commander's skin was too easy.

  
Dorian chuckled softly as Cullen growled and followed him. His dark eyes widened, surprised to see the quality of jewelry in the little shop, "Why, I haven’t seen pieces like this since leaving Tevinter."

  
"There are plenty of fine jewelry shops in Fereldan," Cullen glanced nervously around him.

  
"Not like this there aren't," Dorian snarked. He glanced at his companion, Cullen looked like he was afraid a wrong move would break the place, "Relax, Commander. It's not as delicate as it looks."

  
Cullen nodded and relaxed his shoulders. A mild improvement. Dorian wandered away from him and picked up an emerald brooch. Angling it so it would catch the dim light, he grinned to see the light refract.

  
He slowly moved around the shop, trying to figure out what would astound the Inquisitor. Dorian also needed it to be something Cullen wouldn't refuse outright. Standing in front of the necklace case, Dorian's eyes lit upon a rose gold lion's head in profile, "Commander, come here."

  
Dorian felt Cullen stand beside him. He pointed to the solitaire necklace, "That one."

 

Cullen bent over to look closer at it, "I don't know, Dorian."

  
"Of course you do, it's perfect!" Dorian motioned for the shopkeeper to open the case, "It's simple, elegant, and I know you both have an affinity for lions."

  
"The Inquisitor has an affinity for lions?" Cullen looked at him askance.

  
"Well… a certain human that wears a lion shaped helm," Dorian smiled wickedly at Cullen's blush and turned his attention to the shopkeeper, "Ah, here you are. How much for the rose gold lion?"

  
The shopkeeper quoted the price and Dorian heard Cullen scoff. Giving a stern glance to the Commander, Dorian asked, "May we see it, please?"

  
Dorian gently took the necklace from the shopkeeper and held the charm against the palm of his hand. Lightly bouncing it to make sure it wouldn't break, he grinned as the light caught the lion's eye and a ruby chip glittered, "This is your gift to her, Commander."

  
"Absolutely not," Cullen paced, "I could purchase five well balanced and ornate swords for the price of that necklace."

  
Dorian's sigh was long suffering, "Leave the art of haggling to me. The Inquisitor will love this."

  
Cullen paused in his pacing, "You don’t think it's too forward?"

  
Dorian chuckled gently, "It's not an engagement ring." He mouthed a silent oh at Cullen's blush, "But if that's what you would like to give her, we can certainly look for one."

  
Cullen stiltedly shook his head, "No. There's too much to do before considering that."

  
"And the war interferes," Dorian gently passed the piece to Cullen. He watched the Commander turn the necklace as if he was inspecting a weapon. Gently adjusting Cullen's hand, "That is how you inspect jewelry."

  
"I worry that if I give this to her she will think that we are in a committed relationship," Cullen met Dorian's eyes.

  
"When she thinks no one is looking, she takes out the coin you gave her and kisses it." The corner of Dorian’s mouth ticked up. He would never admit that he was another hopeless romantic at heart.

  
"Why are you spying on her private moments?" Cullen almost snarled.

  
"If she did it in her tent, it would be a different story. But she walks to the the edge of camp, lets the moonlight glint off of it, kisses the coin, and puts it back in a pocket close to her heart. The Inquisitor is already in a committed relationship," Dorian paused for dramatic effect, "With you."

  
Cullen stared down at the necklace, "Really?"

  
"Would I lie about something so sickeningly sweet?" Dorian arched an eyebrow at him, "She loves you. You love her?"

  
"Of course," Cullen shot Dorian a look that could only be ascertained as extreme annoyance.

  
"Then get the necklace." Dorian ordered.

  
After a fair bit of haggling from Dorian and threatening from Cullen, they left with the necklace in a velvet lined case. Dorian smiled brightly, "See? Shopping is fun."

  
"I wouldn't go that far, but we did acquire what we came for," Cullen smirked.

  
Dorian shook his head in mock sadness, "I'm disappointed, Commander."

  
Cullen chuckled, "Let's return to Skyhold."

  
"I expect a report on everything the Inquisitor does when you give that to her." Dorian figured he'd try to order Cullen a second time since the first one worked so well.

  
"I don't kiss and tell, Dorian." Cullen chuckled.

  
"I'll have to hire some of Varric's spies." Dorian half-grinned, "Varric may just loan them to me. We have a vested interest in your relationship."

  
"You bet on this trip," Cullen stated.

  
Dorian smiled, "And I won."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my bit of silliness.


End file.
